Before I tell you these things, I want you to know that at the end of the day I love you very dearly. You’ve contributed to much of my growth, and that is irreplaceable.
I want you to know some things about the mental illness I struggle with.
1. Bipolar depression is a little bit different than major depressive disorder. My depression is typically followed semi-closely after a hypomanic episode. There doesn’t necessarily need to be a trigger.
2. When I say I’m tired, I truly mean it. When the battlefront is your own mind, it is exhausting. I spend an inordinate amount of time shoving down the thoughts of hurting myself or the constant fear that I’m not good enough and that everyone would be better off without me. So when I say I’m tired, please meet me in the middle so we can accomplish what needs to be done.
3. Telling me to “just be happy” and “just get out of bed, you’ll feel better” is useless and invalidating. It hurts, honestly. When I hear those words, I hear a lack of support and a lack of encouragement. It’s similar to telling someone with the flu, “just get out of bed and get better! Your fever isn’t that big of a deal.”
4. My coping skills might not be like yours. I like small spaces. My closet. In between the wall and the bed. Curled up under every blanket in the house. Please don’t try to change my non-destructive coping skills. Some days they are all I have to hold onto.
5. You can’t fix me… because I’m not broken. I understand it must be confusing and painful to watch my highs and lows, but I promise you what means the most to me is when you’re still there when the clouds of depression dissipate.